Practical tips on managing those pesky limiting beliefs
Limiting beliefs are those thoughts that we have gotten so used to thinking that they have turned into seemingly hard-wired beliefs. These are thoughts that do not serve us and prevent us from achieving our goals. They likely have been with us since childhood, before we had the ability to question their validity. Left unchecked, they have become permanent fixtures in the shadows of the subconscious acting as a parking brake when you’re trying to go full speed ahead.
A belief is just a thought you keep thinking
Abraham Hicks
Below are four that I personally struggle with. After digging a little deeper, I was able to come to terms with them and find better alternatives.
1. I can’t
Can’t you though? This one is one of the easiest ones to deal with in my opinion. Anytime I think “but I can’t…” I remind myself that my entire life is filled with things that, at one point, I couldn’t do. But now I can. I couldn’t walk or talk or ride a bike. I couldn’t sing or dance. I couldn’t do squats, and I couldn’t start a blog. Guess what? I can do all of the above. Some of those I do well, others less so (I sing like Grace Adler and dance like Elaine Benes). When this thought comes up, just look at your track record of things you used to not be able to do that you now can. Second, replace that thought with one of these:
- “I could learn how to…”
- “It would be fun to see if I could…”
- “I’ll just try and see what happens”
2. I don’t know…
We love to pretend we don’t know. I believe that if we have the ability to conceive a problem, we have the ability to conceive the solution. We say “I don’t know” and then pretend that is the answer, stopping short of finding a solution. So to overcome this one, I ask myself to come up with some ideas for a solution- similar to the way I would ask my a friend or wise old Uncle Bernie. Instead of asking someone else, I get still, mull the question over and then let my mind come up with answers. Here are some more empowering alternatives:
- I am figuring out…
- I am learning…
- The answer is within me and will surface if I allow it
3. I’m not ______ enough (or I’m too _____)
Fill in the blanks: old, young, educated, good-looking, smart, confident, etc. I am guilty of this one in so many areas of my life and I see it in my friends too. For example, I see a hot guy in at a party and for a half second I am intrigued. This is followed immediately by the automatic thought: “I’m not good looking enough.” Or if there’s a job opportunity that excites me and the automatic thought is “I’m not qualified enough.”
How you know it’s an automatic thought is that it comes right on the heels of a stimulus that piques your curiosity or interest just feels good- even just for a second. What follows is the automatic thought that is rooted in fear and designed to keep you firmly where you are: your comfort zone.
Limiting beliefs are like an overbearing parent who would sooner smother you in bubble wrap than have you go out and experience the outside world. Parents do this as a misguided way of protecting you and these beliefs are no different. So when they come up here’s what I do:
- Acknowledge that the thought is trying to protect you; thank it for that
- Realize it is an opinion, and not the truth
- Make a conscious decision of whether you’d like to stay in your comfort zone or take a chance and see what happens. If you try, there’s a 50% chance of a positive outcome. If you don’t try there is a 100% chance of staying exactly where you are today
4. What if…
What if I suck at it? What if I don’t lose the weight? What he says no? What if it doesn’t work out? All of these are just examples of fear. “What if…” is simply a way that our limiting beliefs produce its greatest weapon: fear. Fear keeps us in our comfort zone by paralyzing us from taking action and challenging ourselves to do something incredible. There are so many things wrong with “What ifs” that a plethora of books have been written about it. I would know because this is one of my personal favourite limiting beliefs. My brain can produce more “what ifs” than whales produce sperm. I still struggle with this almost daily and here’s how I handle it:
- “Shut the fuck up you miserable old bag.” Sometimes I use tough love; it works.
- Flip the script. Realize that the same energy I’m using to create negative “what ifs” could be used to create positive “what ifs”: “What if it’s a huge success,” “what if I got that job?”
- If I insist on playing the “what if” game, then play it so the odds are in my favour. After all, the future exists only in my mind and I have full ownership of what goes on in the future.
It’s not a belief, it’s an opinion
Limiting beliefs are tricky because we think they are true; we believe them. The first step is realizing that a belief is just a thought you keep thinking and your thoughts are the one thing that you can control. It’s easier said than done, but there is an element of relief in knowing that limiting beliefs are just opinions that have become ingrained in our psyche.
