I talked before about quieting your inner critic and different ways it can show up in your life, like shame spirals, perfectionism, comparison, lack of boundaries, burnout, and even intimacy avoidance.
Now I want to introduce something most people have never consciously developed to take the place of your inner critic…
Your inner advocate.
Here’s the simplest way I can explain it:
Your inner advocate is the part of you that has your back no matter what. It’s not toxic positivity that ignores the messy reality of life. It’s not permissive or indulgent. It doesn’t let you get away with bad behaviour. The inner advocate is firm yet loving. It’s the grounded voice that doesn’t panic when things go sideways.
A lot of people live in survival mode; fear-driven, overly sensitive to others’ opinions, and constantly monitoring themselves.
There’s a high price we pay for living consistently in survival mode, like tension in the body, mental and emotional fragility, and a constant sense that you’re never quite safe enough to relax.
It’s far more enjoyable to move through life with a reassuring internal voice that says, “I’ve got you,” instead of one that’s always saying, “watch out!” But without a well-developed inner advocate, the inner critic gladly takes the wheel.
I teach the inner advocate by asking people to imagine it.
Literally visualize it, like a character from Inside Out.
Someone who
- Loves you unconditionally
- Respects you
- Tells you the truth, even if it hurts
- Doesn’t let you spiral
- Doesn’t let you get away with your own nonsense either
- Imagine this character. Let it take form in your mind as something within you that you can always call on.
What’s the tone of this voice?
What does it look like?
How does it speak to you?
For some people, it resembles the voice of a parent or mentor. For others, it’s an older, wiser version of themselves. Some even imagine a fictional character they trust to protect them.
Here’s a reflection you can try this week when your inner critic shows up
Either you reflect in the moment or a while later you can ask yourself: “What would my inner advocate say instead?” Perhaps something like…
“Nothing has gone wrong”
“You’ve got this”
“You’re gonna be okay”
“You know what to do”
“You’re stronger than you think”
The inner critic is urgent. The inner advocate is calm.
The critic is dramatic. The advocate is steady.
Advocate comes from the Latin advocare meaning to speak on behalf of, to stand beside.
Developing that inner advocate means becoming someone who speaks for you, not against you. Of course you’ll still make mistakes from time to time. You just don’t get to use them as weapons against yourself anymore.
