When obstacles arise in life, one of the things I like to do is look at them from two lenses: the first is very close up micro lens where I dig into the nuts and bolts of it. Then, I zoom way out and look at it from a macro lens.
Doing so allows me to observe patterns that exist no matter what the challenge is- be it a personal issue or greater obstacles we face as a civilization. The common thread I see is that these challenges and obstacles eventually cause growth and result in an improved state of being.
I want to share that pattern with you in its most general form and then look at some real examples.
How it works
Sometimes bad things happen that are totally outside your control. These uncontrollable external factors are called circumstances. They can be obstacles on our path towards a certain goal, or personal challenges.
At first, these unwanted external stressors leave you feeling frustrated, angry, or in a state of emotional turmoil. Whatever it may be in that moment, the emotion can be summed up in one simple word: pain. Pain is an inevitable part of life, but suffering doesn’t have to be.
In these moments we’re faced with a choice: accept the invitation to evolve or suffer indefinitely. And this is true whether the circumstance is as benign as being stuck in traffic or a more severe and prolonged hardship. This pattern is not just relevant to our personal growth, but can also be seen in the cells of our bodies and in civilizations.
Should you accept the invitation to grow, it isn’t usually quick or easy or straightforward. Rather, it takes time, it’s messy, and fraught with ups and downs along the way. Should you choose to not accept the invitation, however, the other option is to continue suffering.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
Kelly Clarkson (and also Friedrich Nietzsche)
A universal truth
I believe that this pattern holds true regardless of who you are, where you live, or what your circumstances are. There are countless examples of people who have suffered unimaginable trauma and came to the same conclusion: pain can act as a catalyst for positive change. One such story is that of Dr. Edith Eva Eger, an Auschwitz survivor who became a clinical psychologist to help others heal their own pain.
Yes, sometimes things happen that are traumatic and unjustified. That pain should be respected and processed accordingly, ideally with the help of a professional. But even for people who have not experienced such trauma, the same principle applies: you can harness your pain and suffering to grow into a version of yourself that may not have otherwise been possible. This is called evolution.
Growth doesn’t happen from your comfort zone.
Examples
Growth typically begins with external pressure or stressor. In our lives, these are the inevitable uncontrollable circumstances that interrupt our steady state. This is also true at the micro and macro level. The stressors may be different, but the pattern remains the same.
Micro
At the micro level, we look no further than the gym to see this concept at work: when you’re lifting weights, muscle fibres are repeatedly damaged (pain). Afterwards, your body repairs the damage by fusing muscle fibres together to form newer, stronger muscles (growth).
Macro
At the macro level, we look to biological evolution. Monumental steps forward in the evolution of life on Earth were preceded by challenges faced by a species. For example, 400 million years ago, our oceans were teeming with an abundance of fish-like creatures. The heightened competition for survival (obstacle) was a big motivating factor for some aquatic vertebrates to move into shallow waters, then shorelines, and eventually land. Yes, this process occurred over millions of years, but the evolutionary pattern is the same.
Social
A more immediate example can be seen at a social level. It is the collective challenges groups face that spurs significant change. The Stonewall Riots occurred because of years of brutality faced by LGBTQ people (obstacle) until finally, they stood up. It wasn’t pretty and it didn’t happen overnight but in retrospect, we point to that moment as the beginning of the gay rights movement. In North America, we now have unprecedented rights and freedoms never before enjoyed by our gay ancestors (growth). The same pattern applies to civil rights, and many other social justice movements.
Humanity is now faced with a stark choice: evolve or die.
Eckhart tolle
Applying the pattern in our personal growth
When obstacles come up in our own lives, we tend to see them as a blocks and not opportunities. That’s because growth isn’t always linear. It may appear linear looking at it in retrospect, but in the moment, a clear path forward is rarely seen. So we get stuck between step 2 and 3.
Nonetheless, if we can accept that somewhere in the midst of the shit show there is an opportunity for growth, it then forces us to generate something within ourselves that will move us forward. It’s not usually easy or comfortable, but growth doesn’t happen from our comfort zones. Maybe it forces us onto a path we don’t want to take, but it isn’t until we have the benefit of hindsight that we can connect the dots to see that it was the right path.
Humanity
Humanity will likely see troubled times ahead. We are poisoning our environment at an unprecedented rate. Our political systems are dysfunctional and ineffective. We inflict unspeakable violence towards each other on the regular. Pain and suffering seem inevitable.
If we plug this into the evolutionary pattern, we are at the point where we as a civilization are being collectively called to evolve. The other option is mass suffering and possible extinction.
Conscious Awakening
Evolve how though? One theory is that we are being called to evolve into more conscious beings. In his book A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle suggests that transcending our ego-based state of consciousness is the key to ending human dysfunction and suffering.
Of course, we don’t have to wait for the world to collapse to have a conscious awakening. I see it flourishing now, within me and within others. Maybe all of our individual pain- in all of its forms- is in fact here to activate our collective consciousness.
My growth so far
My personal struggles have taught me valuable lessons that not only served my growth, but changed the way in which I interact with the world around me. Some examples:
- People act from their level of consciousness; if they are hurt, they will hurt you too.
- Forgiveness of self and others is the path to peace.
- Empathy is the impetus for meaningful connections and strong relationships.
- Vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness.
The improved state that I experience is greater peace of mind and increased confidence. The improved state for the people around me is interacting with a more empathetic, peaceful, and conscious person.
When enough people use their individual pain and suffering to grow in whatever way they are being called to, we’ll evolve beyond our current level of consciousness both as individuals and as civilization.
So when obstacles and challenges arise, take the time to process any pain that comes with it. Seek professional help if needed. But eventually come to realize that you can use that pain not only to bounce back, but to bounce forward.
Resources
Check out these books for more on the topic of overcoming trauma, pain, and suffering.
Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash
