I am the first to admit that I live in a bubble. To many outside the bubble I am the cliché white cis-gendered gay man, living the swingin’ downtown bachelor lifestyle. But you know what? I’m totally okay with that. I feel blessed that this is my life.
There was a time when I was closeted, sexually repressed, suburban kid with no one around who really understood me. I felt fundamentally flawed and with no role models or sense of tribe, I was deeply isolated. I didn’t know what kind of life I could live as an out and proud gay man. That suburban teen would have a wet dream if he saw the bubble that would eventually become his life.
Shared stories and struggles
One of the benefits of living in this delicious microcosm is that I’m not alone; there are many of us who share a similar story and experiences. But we also share many of the same unique challenges in our beloved bubble of urban gayness.
For example, we love the freedom and opportunity that comes with being single in the big gay city. But finding meaningful connections in a hook up culture consumed by the paradox of choice can lead to loneliness. Once we are in a relationship, we must navigate the tricky waters of monogamy or finding just the right degree of openness with our partners.
We are out and proud members of the community, yet our coming out wounds have not necessarily healed. Whether it’s unsupportive family members or homophobic colleagues, our sexual identity is something we must constantly deal with. We never really stop coming out, and not everywhere is a safe space, even within the confines of our bubble.
And let’s not forget our health. How has the prevalence of PrEP influenced our sexual behaviour? What about our mental health? Gay men experience higher rates of depression, suicide, and substance abuse than our straight allies.
The importance of your tribe
At some point in my life, I have personally struggled with the challenges listed here, and I know a lot of you have as well. What has helped me on my journey is my passion for personal development and the people in my life who understand and deal with the same issues- my tribe. The power of community and the sense of belonging is a fundamental part of living a fulfilling life and survival itself. It has been ingrained in our DNA since our hunter-gatherer ancestors were wandering around Africa.
When you’ve found your tribe, you’re able to have judgment-free, frank discussions about everything from getting DP’d in a dark room to coming out to a loved one who is close to death. Regardless of the topic, having a safe space strengthens your ability to handle life’s challenges by sharing wisdom and laughs along the way.
The experience of being a gay man in the 21st century is different from that of any other minority, sexual orientation, gender, or culture grouping. We are different from, on the one hand, women, and on the other hand, straight men. Our lives are a unique blending of testosterone and gentleness, hypersexuality and delicate sensuality, rugged masculinity and refined gentility. There is no other group quite like that of gay men. We are a culture of our own.
Alan Downs, The Velvet Rage
So what is Wellismo?
Wellismo is a space for open conversations about wellness for gay men. I use the term wellness because it encapsulates more than your physical health; it is that intrinsic sense of well-being that includes mind, body, and soul. At its surface, Wellismo is about the modern gay man’s life in our delightful yet dysfunctional bubble. But if you dig a little deeper, you’ll find nuggets of personal development wisdom that I’ve picked up on my journey so far. I don’t claim to be a guru by any means, but I have learned a thing or two and I am happy to share my experiences if it means that I can help someone else along the way.
No gay? No problem
Finally, a word to the non-gays who may find themselves here. Though I write my posts with gay men as the intended audience, I invite you to participate and contribute. The themes are universal in nature, so if you look beyond the surface details, you will find benefit as well. Bear in mind that the content of which I write may trend on the darker, seedier side of gay culture that you may not normally be accustomed to. I write as a gay man who lives and breathes this culture to an audience who understands it. To do otherwise would seem inauthentic to this intimate exploration of modern urban gay culture.
Join me
I hope you will join me on the Wellismo journey. Here are some ways to do so:
For starters, subscribe below to get your preferred content directly in your inbox. I respond to all emails personally, so feel free to email me if you’d like to connect.
Second, you can follow Wellismo on Instagram, Pinterest, or Facebook. There are links on the right sidebar of the screen (or at the very bottom if you’re on a mobile device).
Finally, explore my previous blog posts. Here are three of my favourites to get you started:
5 Reasons Why You’re Unlucky in Love
Don’t Let Your Love of Sex Stop You From Pursuing a Spiritual Practice
4 Limiting Beliefs and How to Handle Them
PS: If you’re curious to know more about me and how I landed on this funny-sounding name, check out the About pages.
