Believe it or not, one of the greatest coincidences of my life is that I actually came out for the first time on National Coming Out Day in 2002.
Of course, I had no idea it was National Coming Out Day and it wasn’t until years after that I made the connection.
So, in honour of this day that we recognize and celebrate every year, I want to share with you a little of my coming out story…
The first person I came out to
Anyone who is LGBTQ+ knows that the first person you come out to is yourself. And for each of us, there is a period of time it takes to say the words “I’m gay” to another human.
Some people live with their secret for years, some for decades, and some go to the grave with it.
For me, that period was the four years during high school.
It wasn’t until my first year of university that I finally gathered the courage to share my truth.
In the photo below, you’ll see 18 year old me; a version of me carrying a heavy secret I wished I could change. I knew in the deepest corner of my soul that I was gay and no matter how much I resisted it, and pretended it otherwise – it was true.
Suffering in silence
Many LGBTQ+ people are familiar with the desperate longing to be someone other than who they truly are, trying desperately to change themselves—only to find it impossible.
As a teenager, I was not equipped with the mental or emotional tools I have now. Nor did I have any gay mentors or role models who could look out for me, take me under their wing, and guide me.
My experience is not uncommon – which is why National Coming Out Day matters.
The closet is a valid choice
Don’t get me wrong—I’m not saying everyone should come out.
There are many valid and logical reasons someone may choose to keep their sexual orientation private, with physical safety being the most critical.
If coming out poses a genuine risk of physical violence or imprisonment, then choosing to remain in the closet, though unfortunate, is a wise and necessary decision for personal safety.
Other reasons include that coming out may significantly impact your family life, especially if you have a wife and kids. Depending on where you work, it could also put your career in jeopardy.
So it makes sense why even in 2024, many people are still living in the closet.
Fear of rejection
I was lucky enough that the “only” risks I faced were being rejected by my family and friends. Of course, at the time the fear was real and it kept me alone in the safety of the closet for years.
The reality is that we don’t actually know how someone we love will respond to our coming out.
We hope and wish and pray they will continue to love us just as they always have. But the fear of that dynamic changing, of losing their love, is often too much to risk telling the truth about who we are.
A call for unconditional love
Remember that coming out is a lifelong process; you can be out to some people but not to others if you want.
Wherever you are on your coming out journey, know that you are brave. Living authentically comes in many forms, and it’s always worth celebrating—no matter where you are on your path.
And for the allies and straight readers, remember that your love and acceptance creates a safer, more inclusive world for us to be ourselves.
After all, love is for everyone.
If you’re interested in diving into the complex emotions behind this common sentiment and explore the journey towards self-acceptance, check out this episode of the Gay Men Going Deeper podcast. 👇
Remember, at Wellismo you’re never alone.
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