Have you ever said or done something in a fit of anger and immediately regretted it?
Have you ever thought “I wish I had taken that chance when I had it?”
Both of these are examples of REGRET.
Regret is truly nasty feeling, and often comes with a side of shame and guilt.
Remember, there is a key difference between shame and guilt:
- Shame says “I am bad” ► focus is on the self
- Guilt says “I did something bad” ► focus is on the behaviour
With regret, we believe that a poor choice on our part led directly to a negative situation.
“No regrets” is a nice hashtag but…
Regret is a tough, but fair teacher in the school of life. While I agree it’s not useful to endlessly harp over things that you can’t change, there are benefits to processing the feeling of regret.
It is an opportunity to reflect on your actions and consciously decide to do better next time. To live without regret is to live without reflection and without making amends when we’ve wronged someone.
The research on regret
Brené Brown’s research on this topic shows that in the long-term, we regret actions we didn’t take more than the poor choices we did make.
In the TV drama This Is Us, towards the end of the series, Rebecca gives her children a powerful reminder that sums up the key takeaway here (the good stuff starts at 0:25):
Final thoughts: what to do about regret
When it comes to regret in the short-term, use it as an opportunity to learn and grow and be better next time. Sometimes the most uncomfortable learning is the most powerful.
If you truly want to live without regret in the long-term, be courageous today by taking risks and making those “big moves” towards your biggest dreams.
I love watching my clients do things they never thought was possible for them, whether it’s starting a business, coming out, or writing a screenplay.
Of course, fear and self-doubt will show up every step of the way when you make the choice to start turning your dreams into reality- but that’s what I’m here for.
This post is a truncated version that originally appeared in the Wellismo weekly newsletter. Subscribe to get immediate access directly in your inbox:
Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash
